"I was becoming really timid and My grandma said that I was frightened of my own shadow. Very often, I would agree to do things for people because it seemed the easiest way to avoid grief. I took criticism really hard. It didn’t matter who it was coming from; friends, teachers, parents or even strangers. One negative word meant that I felt a waste of space. I started to get really worried about simple things and kept saying to myself, ’I can’t do this’. Even in ordinary situations, I would then become so physically anxious that I would sweat and feel sick The more I agreed to things, the more difficult it became to manage. Eventually, I became miserable at having to do things I just didn’t want to do."
From time to time our self confidence can seem under attack. Sometimes, especially when we have been under pressure, we can become nervous about ordinary everyday things. This nervousness can also result in unpleasant physically symptoms.
People quite naturally then try to avoid situations where they will feel ’wobbly’. Unfortunately, not facing the fear can store up more difficulty for the future. It’s important to try to break down the challenges into bite sized bits and focus on the success and achievement, bearing in mind how difficult it might be.
Experts call this ’positive self talk’. It’s a good idea to try to recycle negative thoughts like "I can’t cope." into more realistic and positive ones "This is difficult and unpleasant, and I’m doing OK considering how I feel."
Try recycling your thoughts before, during and after a difficult activity:
BEFORE
"It’s going to be impossible..." becomes "I know it’s difficult, I can give it a shot with some help. It doesn’t need to be perfect..."
DURING
"I hate this and I can’t cope" becomes "This is hard and uncomfortable. I’m hanging in there and that’s good enough"
AFTER
"Thank god that’s over with. It was awful." Becomes "OK, it’s over. I survived. I might not have liked it, but it was not as bad as I imagined in my worse nightmare. Because I survived this one, next time it will be just a little less uncomfortable."
Other good ways to improve self-confidence include setting yourself small, but achievable tasks. Once you are tackling these and also immediately after you have finished, think about them as successes. Focus your thinking on one small part which you are pleased with. Most importantly, don’t fall into the thinking trap of saying "Ah but, this bit was rubbish!" Refuse to think about the whole thing, just focus on ONE positive.
The big picture can be complicated or really demanding. We often experience crises of confidence in one area of our lives. When this happens, break down the challenge into easier steps. Don’t try to complete the whole task in one go. As you work towards your goal step by step, make sure you give yourself lots of praise and a big pat on the back, smile to yourself about how well you’re doing in overcoming your challenge.
REMEMBER the best praise is self praise. It’s hard to take compliments from others when we stop complimenting ourselves.
Written by a www.eefo.net user.
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