Worried About Someone - Advice on How You Can Help

It’s never easy telling someone you know that you don’t like the way they’re going about things. It’s even harder when it’s your best mate or family member.

But there are ways to broach what might feel like a nightmare conversation:

1. Decide what you want to say

Before you say anything, figure out what your problem is with what they’re doing. And what it is you want them to do?
You might be unhappy about your friends or family members, but there’s no formula that can be applied to make someone stop drinking alcohol excessively. If you let them know how you feel, you might find there’s room for a bit of compromise. But ultimately if you can’t accept their choices, it comes down to whether you want to continue the friendship/relationship or not.

2. Talk to them when you’re calm

It’s really easy to have a row, shout at each other and make threats. But you won’t get past how you’re feeling if you’re emotional. Get calm and talk through the issues. What’s the problem? What do you want them to do? What do they need from you?

3. Avoid asking ’Why?’

Why? Because it puts people on the defensive. And, they might not know why they drink alcohol excessively. Ask questions beginning How, When, What, Where. It’ll get the conversation moving and you won’t simply get a Yes or No answer.

4. Focus on them not the alcohol

The drinking of alcohol excessively isn’t doing anything to you, only to them. You need to consider how does their behaviour affect you? Are they unreliable? Is it their mood swings? Are you always paying for everything? What are the good/bad things that can happen if they continue doing what they’re doing? And how does that create problems for you?

5. Be a real friend

Listen to them and how they say they feel. Talk to them about their health and well being. Suggest what they might do but don’t go on about it. If they want, offer to go with them for help & support.

6. Take care of yourself

If they decide not to change and you keep feeling upset, used or unsafe then get help for yourself. You may need to step back for a time from the friendship/relationship. You can let them know you are there if they decide to change.

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