Want a first date?

Well here’s some advice on how to get it, and what to do once you’re there.

For something that is surrounded by so much hype, and is given such unreasonably high expectations, the first date has surprisingly humble origins.

Time for a brief history lesson...

It is generally agreed by historians that dating began sometime in the Pleistocene Era, as a means of preventing primitive men and women from wandering off into the unknown, and dying of exposure whilst seeking a mate. The ’date’ allowed early men and women to specify a time and place to meet, i.e. that tree, tomorrow, and thereby evolved into a system that allowed one person to reliably find another.

The only thing that has changed is how much we have come to expect from a first date. Back in those days if you found a potential mate with a large cave and a good food supply, you were onto a winner.

So, how do you ask someone out?

And once you’ve overcome that, what do you do on your date? If these questions turn you into a nervous, sweaty wreck, sit back, take a deep breath, and read on.

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to be a smooth talker to do this. The most obvious (and important) thing to remember, is be yourself. If the person you ask says ’yes’, they should be saying ’yes’ to the real you, not a character you have made up to impress:

"	Always ask in person. Although it may seem easier and less scary to do it through email or text, if you do this you are just adding a load of extra things that can go wrong. You don’t want to be sat wondering if your message has got through, or if they’ve seen it, or why the hell haven’t they replied? Do it in person and you’ll get an immediate, clear response.
"	Don’t just blurt out the question, warm up with something like, ’there’s something I want to ask you,’ then come out with it, don’t beat about the bush. If you do, you may miss your chance.
"	Be specific. Have a day and activity in mind. If they are busy on that day, don’t just say ’OK, maybe some other time,’ try another day.

If the person you are asking seems to be busy every day for the next five years, take the hint, but don’t take it personally. Say something simple and classy like ’OK, well it was worth asking.’ Then make sure you have somewhere specific to go or do, and stride away, head held high. Be dignified and you won’t lose any cred or kudos. Remember, even if they are not interested for whatever reason, it is very flattering to be asked out on a date by anyone.

The Date:

"	Be decisive, and have a plan. Don’t call them and then say, ’I dunno, what do you want to do?’
"	Dress accordingly, and if appropriate offer your date some suggestions on how to dress.
"	Don’t drink too much, if at all.
"	Make sure you go somewhere where you can comfortably speak in conversational tones. A nightclub where you have to shout yourself hoarse to be heard, is not a good venue for a first date.
"	If you’re a guy, always escort the lady home, don’t just dump her at the bus stop.
"	Remain slightly reserved and chaste; don’t blurt out your whole life story in one evening. This will make you appear much more calm, controlled, and classy. It will also add some mystery, and make them more intrigued and curious.
"	Be enthusiastic and positive.
"	If you’re a guy, always call her the next day. You may want to leave it a while to appear cool and not too desperate, but she will be very impressed (and pleased) if you call straight away.

Conversation:

The Do’s

"	Maintain eye contact. Looking around the room gives the impression that you’re not interested, or would rather be somewhere else.
"	Make sure your body language is open and friendly, and indicates that you are alert and listening to your date.

The most interesting people are those that seem interested in you. Always wait for a complete answer to any question you ask, then take your time to take in and digest what was just said before commenting or asking a follow up question.

The Don’ts

"	Do not monopolize the conversation, or you’ll come across as pushy and over bearing.
"	Do not begin every sentence with ’I’, or you’ll come across as self-obsessed.
"	Do not tell jokes that could offend easily.
"	Do not laugh at your own jokes.
"	Do not talk about money, either how much or how little you’ve got.

Written by Chris Morgan

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